Strategic Relational Partners

Partnerships can be a wonderful experience - or a horrible nightmare! Just ask any person who has been married for more than a decade - especially if they have been married more than once! Most partnerships would probably admit that there is a little bit of heaven and a little bit of hell mingled in together.

Strategic partnerships have a synergistic impact on those they serve. Hollywood learned the power of strategic partnerships where opposites were paired together. From Abbott and Costello or Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin of the old black and white television days to Paula and Simon on American Idol, strategic partnerships have impacted our lives. Sometimes they made us laugh, sometimes cry, and sometimes they made us angry.

I had the opportunity on 2 different occasions to be a guest on the Fox News “Hannity and Colmes” Show. The show was extremely popular because of the pairing together of a democratic liberal, Colmes, and a republican conservative, Hannity. While in front of the camera, they projected very entertaining hostility, before and after the show they seemed to be friends. The key to that partnership was the word strategic.

It was strategic because of the tension provided between the two creating an entertaining discussion for the viewing audience. Every person and every organization has unique abilities, skills, potential impact, etc. However, every person or organization also has limitations, faults, and weaknesses. Blessed is the one who understands his or her strengths and weaknesses.

Organizations or individuals with the same strengths who attempt partnering often end up competing. Partners with the same weaknesses enhance the possibility of failure. However a strategic partnership is one where each needs the strengths of the other to multiply effectiveness and fulfillment, much like the Chinese symbolism you see in the yin and yang.

But when a strategic partnership is also , you have a powerhouse combination! These partnerships not only experience a multiplication of impact, but because of the relational aspect, are more likely to experience a long and fruitful partnership.

Too often, we look for strategic partnerships and hope that they become relational,instead of allowing a courtship process to see if the partnership can be relational or not. Many organizations have realized, after it was too late, the fallout from a non-relational partnership.

If a partnership is entered into by both parties with purely selfish motives, the partnership is doomed to fail. In fact, not only will it fail, but there will be negative backlash and consequences.

Also, as in courtship, if only one partner pursues the other, at best the partnership will be one-sided, with the pursuing partner always serving the needs of the pursued.

Rachel’s Challenge has been honored to partner with some wonderful organizations. Some have been temporary and some are more permanent. Some have been more strategic, and some more relational.

Here are some personal observations that will hopefully be helpful in any strategic, relational partnership.

#1 Make sure your potential partner has strengths that will compliment your areas of need, and vice versa

#2 Make sure the potential partner is not a competitor, and therefore a threat to your own client base

#3 Make sure that you are willing to share, as well as receive from the partnership

#4 Make sure that both the primary and secondary leadership groups in the partnership have meaningful interaction and are compatible

#5 Target goals that the partnership can accomplish more easily than either of the partners could achieve alone

#6 Develop a strategy for decision making that involves both partnerships

#7 Communicate, communicate, communicate!!!

True Authority: Influence or Control?

Barney Fife was scared to death! He had just been verbally threatened by a man twice his size and he knew he didn’t stand a chance if the guy made good on his threat. The only thing that saved his hide that day was the fact that he was in his Mayberry deputy’s uniform when the confrontation took place. It was the authority of the badge on his chest that saved him.

However, the big guy warned Barney that if he ever caught him out of uniform, he would beat him to a pulp! So, Barney did the only thing he could think of to save himself. He wore that badge and uniform for the next 2 weeks, day and night! Of course, the episode unfolds with Andy coming up with a solution, as usual, to bail Barney out.

In most real life situations, true authority will trump great power. Barney got his authority from a uniform and a badge and so he was able to hold off the attack of a man more physically powerful than him by hiding behind that authority. However, Sheriff Andy demonstrated a different kind of authority that radiated, not from a badge or uniform, but from who he was as a person.

A 100 pound animal trainer can command a 10,000 pound elephant with absolute authority. Napoleon, who stood just inches above 5 feet tall, ruled nations across most of Europe, demonstrating that individual strength, size, and power have nothing to do with authority.

The question I would like to ask today is this: What is true authority? What is the most powerful form of authority you or I can have?

Authority is expressed through 2 basic forms: Influence or Control. The easiest expression of authority is control, however it is also the least effective and the fastest to disappear.

Three of the world’s most recognized religious figures were Influencers, not Controllers. Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad, were all men who influenced the world far beyond the control of kings, emperors, and dictators.

For example compare Moses with Pharaoh. Pharaoh was the ruler of the largest kingdom of his day, while Moses was a mere slave under his reign. However, as the story goes, Moses inspired a beaten-down, enslaved people to rise up and shrug off the chains of bondage and march to freedom. Today his story is known by almost every person on the planet.

Two historic figures of authority emerged on the scene just a little over 2,000 years ago. Julius Caesar and Jesus Christ, both bearing the initials, J.C. Caesar had built the largest physical empire ever known to man, the Roman Empire. It would last for 1,000 years, longer than any other visible kingdom of its kind. He would build it by force, and rule it with an iron fist of absolute control using fear and intimidation.

Jesus came on the scene, forty years later, with no wealth and no army and influenced a handful of illiterate fishermen and commoners who would create the largest following of people ever known. Christianity is listed in Wikipedia as the largest religious group in the world today. His influence outnumbered and outlasted the control of the Roman Empire.

While this is in no way an attempt to teach any form of theology, it is a great illustration of the difference between influence and control. Do your students, peers, or associates view you as a controller, or as an influencer? Do you come off as Barney Fife or Andy Taylor?

I had a math teacher that tried to force his authority as an educator on us “lowly” students. He spoke with a loud voice and marched around the room with a pompous air of entitlement, enforcing his rules to a reluctant class of students who never respected him. To this day I cannot remember his name or a thing he taught me.

By contrast, Mrs. Cook, my English teacher spoke with a soft voice, and influenced a class of students that would never forget her love and care for them in fifth grade. She inspired me to a deep level of appreciation of history, literature, and poetry that I am grateful for to this day. Although she has been dead for many years, I can still see her beautiful freckled face, red hair, and radiant smile. Though her tongue is silenced, her voice continues to speak through me and the students she influenced.

Here are formulas for 2 kinds of authority:

Enforcement + Laws + Control + Intimidation = Temporary Authority

Influence + Love + Care + Intimacy = Timeless Authority

The award winning educators in America all have one thing in common. They teach with influence, not control. I recently had the opportunity to speak at a middle school in Baltimore, Maryland and observed the principal, Deborah Phelps, display an example of influential authority.

Deborah raised 2 daughters and a son with ADHD. Her influence, care, and love for her children produced 3 great athletes, including the most decorated Olympian of all time, Michael Phelps.

Deborah’s authority was so evident in her school, comprised mostly of African American students, where the love, care, and influence she showed her 3 children is now reflected in the lives of students who follow and adore her as a true authority figure in their lives.

Ghandi was a simple man, with no material possessions, who liberated India from the control of Great Britain through influence. Mother Theresa was a simple woman, with no material possessions, who has influenced many of us to be kind and compassionate.

Hitler was a control freak. Anne Frank was an influencer. Eric Harris was a controller, Rachel Scott was an influencer. Their legacies speak for themselves. May our legacy be one of influence - - not control.

It's Better Felt Than Telt

Today’s educational system is being referred to as “ineffective”, “flawed” and “broken” by many top educators - with good reason! Having once been the top academic achieving nation in the world in practically every subject, we are now near the bottom of the academic barrel internationally.

The statistics from U.S. World and News Report and Time Magazine listed below are a depressing reminder that academic achievement in America has dropped from the top to the bottom.

My personal opinion on this issue is that the problem may not be the system, but the philosophy behind the system. Abraham Lincoln once said, “The philosophy of the schoolroom in one generation will be the philosophy of government in the next”.1

Emerson White, President of the National Superintendents Association in 1872, and later the President of Purdue University wrote, “All systems of education are based on some philosophic end - the acceptance of a wrong end results in a wrong system of education”.2

If Abraham Lincoln and Emerson White are correct, the problem is not the system, but the philosophy which governs the system!

President Obama in a speech on April 3, 2007 said, “Transitioning a system is a very difficult and costly and lengthy enterprise. It’s not like you can turn on a switch and you go from one system to another.”3 Whether you agree with his application of that statement or not, the statement itself, is true. Transitions are lengthy, costly and difficult because they require a change of philosophy!

There have been 3 distinct philosophies that have governed the American educational system from the late 1700’s up until today. These systems gradually changed from one to another over a period of time.

The system that dominated education when I was a boy (many decades ago) was reflected in the acronym of the 3 “R’s”: readin’ ‘ritin’ and ‘rithmetic. The philosophy behind the 3 “R’s” was focused on the process of education. Today, the philosophic focus is on performance and is reflected through the system as Academics and S.A.T Scores. (You do the acronym on that one!) Almost every educator I talk to expresses the pressures of standardized testing, quotas, and academic mandates and scores.

However, before the current A.S.S. system, and before the 3 R’s system, there were the 3 H’s: the Heart, the Head, and the Hands. The philosophy behind that system was focused on the person or the pupil.

1780’s–1880’s - System: 3 H’s - Philosophy: Person

1890’s–1960’s - System: 3 R’s - Philosophy: Process

1970’s–Today - System: A.S.S. - Philosophy: Performance

Common sense and experience show us that most people make decisions more from the heart (emotions) than from the head (intellectual). Few of us gave S.A.T. or I.Q. tests to our potential mates before we married them. We “fell in love” with our hearts not our heads. The advertising industry understands this human trait and appeals to our hearts with music, babies, and sex appeal, knowing that we usually buy on impulse when our emotions get involved.

And yet, despite proof to the contrary, our current educational system pressures us to go “straight for the head” to accomplish academic success. They have missed the target by only 12 inches! Early American educators all agreed that the heart, not the head was the place to aim.

Chauncey Colgrove, the head instruction for Iowa State Teachers College in 1910 wrote, “The three H’s in education: We have now pointed out the aims of education in each of its three great divisions, the culture and training of the hand, - the head, and the heart. With these broad aims of education all the work of the school should be in harmony”.4

Another great educator, Charles Northend, who was a superintendent of schools in the 1860’s, wrote: “True education implies the proper culture of all the faculties of the heart and intellect, and the right development of the physical powers. Of these, the first-named is the most essential. A brilliant and cultivated intellect may dazzle and attract only to poison and destroy, unless chastened by right heart-training”.5

And finally, listen to Horace Mann, one of the greatest American educators of all time: “However loftily the intellect of man may have been gifted, however skillfully it may have been trained, if it be not guided by a sense of justice, a love of mankind, and a devotion to duty, its possessor is only a more splendid as he is a more dangerous barbarian”.6

My daughter, Rachel, was killed at Columbine by two brilliant young men who had both attended advanced educational classes. They had no lack of “head” training.

Every top award winning teacher that I have had the privilege to share the stage with over the last 10 years, from Gene Bedley (PTA’s Teacher of the Year) to Ron Clark (Disney Teacher of the Year) and from Jeanette Philips (Co-Founder of California League of Middle Schools) to Erin Gruewell (Freedom Writers) have one thing in common. They have all reached for the hearts of their students first! By the way, you can come see and hear 3 of these great educators in person at our June 23-26, 2010 Summit in Denver (see www.rachelschallenge.org for more info).

David Page wrote a book titled, The Theory and Practice of Teaching, which was used to train teacher for over 150 years. In it he said, “(the) process of lecturing children into imbecility is altogether too frequently practiced.”7

Albert Raub, another great educator said, “It is only the unskilled and uneducated teacher that believes children are educated mainly by what they are told”.8

I believe the pendulum of educational philosophy is beginning to swing once again back to the person. It will be a difficult, costly, and lengthy transition, but you and I can help encourage the process.

The point of this article is to encourage educators to focus on the heart, because the head and hands will follow. History proves that. Remember: IT’S BETTER FELT THAN TELT!

1Numerous internet google sources such as
http://www.quotesdaddy.com/quote/1174579/Abraham+Lincoln/the-philosophy-of-the-school-room-in-
one-generation
2Emerson White, The Art of Teaching, pg. 12, pblshd by American Book Company, 1901
3Barack Obama April 3, 2007 addressing a crowd
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,589684,00.html
http://forums.hannity.com/showthread.php?t=1870081&page=4
4Chauncey Colgrove, The Teacher and the School, pg. 113, pblshd by Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1911
5Charles Northend, The Teacher’s Assistant, pg. 72, pblshd by Crosby, Nichols, and Company, 1859
6Horace Mann, Life and Works of Horace Mann, Vol. 4, pg. 4, by Lee and Shepard Publishers, 1891
7David Page, The Theory and Practice of Teaching, pg. 104, pblshd by A.S. Barnes & Co. 1847
8Albert Raub, Methods of Teaching, pblshd by E.L. Raub & Co., 1898

True Greatness

On January 11, 2010, the world lost one of its greatest citizens. Her name was Miep Gies. Miep was 100 years old. Her picture was briefly flashed across television screens around the world and her name was mentioned on page 15 or 16 of many newspapers, as well. Miep should have been mourned by many. Her life should have been celebrated by television documentaries and interviews with people who knew her. But it wasn’t. The “balloon boy” received much more press time and notoriety than Miep.

What did Miep do to deserve the title of “greatness”? She put her life on the line to save the lives of eight Jewish people during the holocaust. She hid them, fed them and encouraged them for over 2 years before they were found by Nazi soldiers who hauled them off to a concentration camp. One of those families went by the name of Frank... it was Anne Frank’s family.

Miep Gies was the woman who found Anne’s diary in the attic, gathered up the scattered pages, and saved it for 2 years, hoping that Anne would survive the terrible concentration camps. We know, of course, that she didn’t.

When Otto Frank, Anne’s dad, was released at the end of World War II, he returned to his previous home to find that he was the sole survivor. His wife and two daughters were dead. Miep presented Anne’s diary to Otto, and ultimately -- to the world. This was the diary that would inspire my daughter, Rachel, to leave us with her six diaries.

My wife, Sandy, and I were in Amsterdam on June 25, 2009 to visit this wonderful lady. She had just turned 100 years old, and had recently turned down an invitation to meet with the queen. However, we were honored to meet with her because her caretaker, a gentleman named Cor Suijk**, had told her about Rachel. Cor is also a great person. He was imprisoned during the Holocaust for helping hide a number of Jewish people. After being released, he became Otto Frank’s assistant and best friend and was the first director of the Anne Frank House.

Cor drove us into the little village where Miep lived and as I looked out my car window, passing windmills that dotted the Holland countryside, I though about the definition of the word “greatness”. Who among us is really great?

That very morning I had received an email from major league baseball and People magazine informing me that I had been selected to be the Colorado Rockies “Heroes Among Us” person of the year. I would be representing the Rockies at the All-Star game, riding in the parade with the players and being honored with 29 other “heroes” by all 5 living presidents in the pre-game celebration! Of course I was excited about winning that nomination, but I knew in my heart that I was not “great” because of that assignment. Being called a hero, doesn’t make one a hero. I was selected because a large number of my friends took the time to vote for me online. It was a simple numbers game, and I was fortunate to have the most friends voting. But that did not make me “great”.

On that same day, an icon of pop music, Michael Jackson, passed away. Michael was without question one of the greatest singers, dancers and entertainers of all time. But as I listened for days to come, to the platitudes honoring his life, I often heard him referred to as “great”. I am not the judge of whether Michael Jackson was a “great” person or not, because I never met him. But one thing I did know that day we visited Miep -- I knew that I was about to walk into the presence of true greatness!

Sandy and I were ushered by Cor up the sidewalk to the door of a small apartment, where a stooped, elderly, white-haired lady greeted us. As we sat and visited with Miep, at one point she took our hands in hers and with tears in her eyes, in broken English she said, “I never had a daughter. But Anne was like a daughter to me. I lost her -- and I am so sorry for your loss of Rachel.”

I cannot begin to tell you the flood of emotions that coursed through my heart at that moment. My daughter was being honored by the lady who saved Rachel’s hero, Anne Frank! These hands holding ours had served and sacrificed in an attempt to save Anne’s life and the lives of seven other Jewish people during that terrible time in history. As we glanced around the small room, Miep pointed out to us the shawl that Anne Frank wore, draped across a chair. There in the corner was the desk owned by Otto Frank, that I’m sure Anne must have sat at from time to time, recording entries in her diary.

As we left her apartment and started back for the car, I looked over my shoulder and saw Miep waving from her doorway. Almost as an afterthought, I grabbed the camera and took her picture. Little did I realize that it would probably be the last picture ever taken of her alive. Six months later she would quietly - without fanfare - slip away.

True greatness is a rare commodity -- but that day, I knew I had encountered a genuinely great person.


**Note: Cor Suijk, Otto Frank’s best friend and former Director of the Anne Frank house will be one of the speakers at the National Rachel’s Challenge Summit, June 23-26.